Ferrets of London
by Annamonk
Summary: This was mostly written for sheer absurdity. Several of my readers seemed a bit down this holiday season. I wanted them to have something fun. Not my sandbox.
1. Chapter 1

Hermione sighed and stared out at the dreary winter day. Her divorce was final and her ex husband would be remarried tomorrow. Their friends were all busy preparing for the shotgun wedding and her children were at the Burrow.

She took a swig from the bottle of whiskey and sighed. This was not how her life was supposed to have gone.

She turned when Teddy Lupin appeared with a crack. His eyes gleamed like copper ore and his hair suddenly turned to a riot of caramel curls.

"You okay, Mione?" Teddy smiled at her with his wide eyed look of complete innocence.

"I'll survive, Teddy." Hermione cocked her head. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing nefarious, oh, goddess of perfection." He dropped to his knees and bowed to her in mocking supplication. "I just thought it would be a good idea to get you out of this house for a night."

"Teddy, you are a twenty six year old man. You can find better company than mine." Hermione shook her head and narrowed her gaze.

"I'm still dragging you out of here. This is no way to spend your first night on the prowl." Teddy smirked up at her and waggled his brows.

"I am not now nor have I ever been on the prowl." Hermione rolled her eyes. "Don't you have something to do for the wedding?"

"Nope. I'm enjoying my status as king of irresponsibility." Teddy grabbed her bottle and took a swig. "Come out with me tonight."

"Sorry, the goddess of perfection has plans already. Besides you're only a king." Hermione grinned.

"By the divine right of kings, I command thee, come out with me this midwinter night." Teddy stood and stared down his nose at her and winked. "It's not like I'm doing anything illegal or weird. I just want to take you out for a bit of fun."

"I'm 45. I'm a bit passed having a bit of fun." Hermione crossed her arms over her chest.

"You're not a bit passed anything. You're a witch in her prime." Teddy looked her up and down. "Enjoy tonight. You can always sulk tomorrow."

Hermione caught the flash of his wand and felt her clothing transform. She looked down to find yourself in a slinky, dark green dress.

"Fix your shoes. I can't do those death traps women call shoes." Teddy shrugged and winked at her. "Come on, love. Give us a heel."

"There's no getting around this, is there?Hermione rolled her eyes and transfigured her shoes.

"All hail good King Teddy." He snickered and grabbed her hand.

* * *

Hermione woke up in a strange room. The ceiling was twenty feet up and bifurcated with old beams and duct work. She blinked and frowned at the wide, uncovered windows currently allowing the sunlight in to torment her poor head. Damn, she needed a potion. She blinked and began taking stock of her situation.

The sheets were slick like silk. She rubbed her fingers along them. Definitely silk and impractical. She dragged in a deep breath. The air was clean. She eased onto her back. Her body was sore in a delightful way. She closed her eyes and remembered flashes of the night before.

The sudden shift of the mattress beneath her had her scrambling for her wand.

"A tiger in bed and out? How did I get so lucky?" A deep chuckle sent a shiver down her spine.

"I'm a bit fuzzy on the details myself." Hermione blushed and accioed her dress.

"Don't rush off." The warm large hand of a man caught her bare shoulder. "I'd like to get better acquainted."

Hermione shivered as her magic swelled within her and reached out to the man. It wasn't the easy and comfortable bond to which she had grown accustomed in her years spent with Ronald. His magic met and matched hers. It licked along her like unburning fire. She closed her eyes and moaned as the magical resonance thrummed through her. He turned her easily and pulled her back into the bed.

"You're a witch. You know what this means." He pressed his lips softly to her neck. "We belong to each other."

"It's a myth." Hermione forced her eyes open as he slid his body along hers. She turned her head toward him and looked deep into his silver eyes. There was no disdain or disappointment in his gaze. She clutched his shoulder and sobbed.

"This isn't a myth." Scorpius Malfoy stroked a finger along her arm.

"You're my daughter's age." Hermione fought against the drugging effects of their combined magic. "I'm too old for you."

"You are my witch." He pushed her down into the feathered bedding and slid his narrow hips between her legs. She could feel him hard and long against her thigh. She bit her lower lip and raised her hips in invitation.

"Not this time, Hermione." He smiled at her. "Last night I was too overwhelmed, but I need the words now."

"I can't." She arched up underneath him. Their bodies touched and magic arced through them sending waves of bliss through her.

"Our magic won't let you deny me. This bond is a gift. Say the words." He rubbed his whiskered cheek against her shoulder. "Say it."

"Please." She clutched at him.

"You were going to leave. You want to deny this." He nipped the shell of her ear. "You are mine. I am yours. Don't deny us."

"I'm old enough to be your mother." She gasped as his hand yanked her thigh up to his hip. "This can't be right."

"Our magic says otherwise so I don't give a buggering fuck about your age. We won't wait on children." He let go of her thigh and pressed his palm over her womb. "Our babies will grow here. Say it."

Hermione looked up into his eyes and took a deep breath. He could force her. He could bring her to her knees with magic alone.

"I'm muggle born."

"A fact with which all of the wizarding world is well acquainted. It doesn't matter."

"You're a Malfoy." She trembled as the magic poured through her.

"Say the words and you will be as well." He kissed her temple and sighed as she shook. "Resonance won't be denied. You know the facts."

"Merlin help us when your family finds out." Hermione turned her head and locked their gazes once more. "Mine won't be much better."

"You have to say it." He pressed her into the mattress with his hips.

"I'm yours, Scorpius Malfoy. I'm yours and you are mine."


	2. Chapter 2

Draco Malfoy looked up as his wife appeared with an audible pop. She looked oddly flushed, and her hands were shaking. He felt a sudden rush of anxiety.

"You have to go save Scorpius. Your father saw the tapestry and went insane."

"What does the tapestry have to do with anything?" Draco stood up.

"It doesn't matter now. Lucius will kill them." She stomped her delicate foot and narrowed her gaze.

"Them?"

"Just go!" She shoved him. "They're at his flat."

Draco shook his head and apparated to his son's London abode. He blinked twice as he landed on the wood floor of the old building. He blinked again, hoping it would erase the images hitting his eyes.

It didn't work.

Lucius was snarling at Scorpius, wand extended. As if that wasn't bad enough, his very naked son was standing protectively in front of a feminine figure completely swathed in a blue silk sheet. There were small cuts and marks from stinging hexes on Scorpius' arms and legs.

"Let the shield down and step aside, boy." Lucius flicked his wand and sent another hex flying.

"What the hell are you doing, Father?" Draco pointed his wand up at the ceiling but kept it at the ready.

"The damn fool has married a mudblood." Lucius never looked away from Scorpius. "I have to prune the little bitch from our family tree."

A sudden pop made all three Malfoys jump. Narcissa glared at her husband and blushed as her eyes found her grandson.

"Put your wands away and put on some clothing." She crossed her arms and stared pointedly at her husband. "Your daughter in law went for more back up."

"Oh, bugger." The feminine form muttered. Draco tilted his head. The voice was familiar. He tried to summon the sheet only to find his son glaring at him.

"Let her be, Draco." His mother's clipped speech was rife with irritation.

Draco glared at his mother. This was all decidedly odd. He turned his ire the sparsely decorated room.

Teddy Lupin appeared with a slight pop and a loud guffaw. Several wands flicked toward him. He raised his hands up with a wide grin plastered across his face.

"You might want to put on some pants, Pi. Your mum showed up at the wedding. You've got angry war heroes and step children incoming." Teddy chuckled.

"Bloody buggering hell." Hermione pushed the sheet off of her body and smoothed her wrinkled dress as best she could. She transfigured a silk shirt from the sheet for Scorpius and accioed his jeans. "Put them on. The last thing we need is an angry and jealous Ronald Weasley in the mix."

"Granger!" Draco snarled.

"It's Malfoy now." She snapped and started to spell the room clean. "We do not have time for your dramatics, Draco. Harry, Ron, and Merlin knows who else will be here any minute."

"Why would your ex come?" Scorpius frowned as he shrugged on the shirt.

"Because he's Ronald bloody Weasley, and he must make Mione feel guilty." Teddy shrugged and flopped onto the leather couch. "It's his true purpose, don't ya know?"

"What by Merlin's bloody bowels is going on here?" Draco demanded.

"Your son married that woman." Lucius waved a hand toward Hermione without looking at her.

"The tapestry showed it and they have leaves growing out from their place." Narcissa smiled at Hermione. "Two."

Hermione stilled as she processed the news.

"I told you we wouldn't wait." Scorpius grinned.

Hermione's hand clutched at her dress just over her belly button. Lucius raised his wand toward her. Several of the room's occupants moved to stop him, but Hermione acted quickly. She spun,cast a silent expelliarmus, and plucked his wand from the air.

"I'm married and pregnant." Hermione's eyes narrowed on Teddy. "You knew. That's what all that ridiculousness was about."

"Mione, put those wands down." Teddy pulled his feet up and went over the back of the couch.

"I don't need wands to deal with you, Teddy." Hermione advanced toward him. "You knew what was going to happen. That's why you dragged me to that club."

"Yes and no." Teddy held his empty hands up. "There's a prophecy. I wanted to see if my interpretation was right."

"So, you put us in a room together as an experiment?" Hermione advanced another step. Her magic crackled around her. "How very brave you've gotten."

"Mione, please. You would have locked your doors and thrown away the keys if I'd warned you." Teddy looked at her and his normally flamboyant coloring faded until he looked a great deal like his father.

"Don't you give me the Remus face." Hermione snapped out a quick stinging hex and smiled as Teddy rubbed his arm. "This is no small thing."

"This fool is behind this?" Lucius took a step toward Teddy.

"Leave my godson alone." Hermione swung her body and pointed the eldest Malfoy's wand at him.

"She's your godmother?" Scorpius turned toward Teddy with a raised eyebrow.

"My dad loved her like she was his own little sister. His journals are full of stories about her." Teddy smirked. "I might be persuaded to copy them for the right price."

"This is what emerges from Gryffindor these days?" Lucius looked toward Hermione.

"He's a Hufflepuff."

"We have incoming crazy people." Teddy smirked. "Are you Malfoys or cannon fodder?"

"I'm certain there will be no need for violence." Narcissa perched on the leather couch and stared at her husband pointedly.

"You seem to be certain of a great deal, my dear." Lucius sat beside her and glowered at the others.

"My son is married to a woman older than I am. His heir will be a half blood." Draco surveyed the group and frowned. "And, I'm expected to pretend that all is well and good because Scarhead and her ex family are about to descend on us?"

"Yes." His mother turned her blue eyes on him. "Do keep up."

"Look on the bright side, Malfoy." Hermione chuckled. "You can hex Ronald to your heart's content."

"Yes, that almost evens it out." Draco curled his lip in a mocking snarl.


	3. Chapter 3

"Father, she's my wife." Scorpius pushed the sleeve up on his wand arm and displayed his marriage runes. "They're real as are the children inside her. She did nothing wrong."

"I went to school with her." Draco clenched his free hand in a fist. "She has a daughter just your age."

"Resonance is a gift." Narcissa sighed. "We are fortunate to have such a match in the family."

Lucius shook his head and glared at Hermione.

The loud pop and sudden appearance of Molly Weasley shocked the entire group. She glared at each Malfoy in turn. Her greying hair sparked with flashes of anger induced magic while her lips thinned. Her eyes narrowed when she focused on her former daughter in law.

"You couldn't let my baby have his day. He finally found a decent witch, and you can't stand it. The only thing you ever wanted was your bloody job. You didn't want to give him anymore children. You didn't want to be diverted from your career." Molly sneered and advanced toward Hermione. "Everything in my poor boy's life has been about you."

"Is this what you want, Molly?" Hermione rolled her eyes and planted her hands on her hips. Molly's vitriolic displays were old hat after her years with the Weasley clan. "You want to air our laundry in front of this audience?"

"What do I care about your death eater scum?" Molly snarled.

"Fine then." Hermione stepped closer to the larger woman. "I looked after Ron for most of my life. I helped him with his homework. I kept him alive. I balanced our accounts and did most of the contributing to them. He agreed to allow me time to devote to my career. He was perfectly happy to let me do it all. Then, when I said I was preparing to leave my job and have a few more children with your blessed, perfect boy, he told me he'd had an affair. Lavender was up the duff, and he wanted a life with her. I was never unfaithful. Your precious boy tossed me away. Thank Merlin for that."

"You made Ronald feel small and unmanly. Always making more than he did, always knowing more than he did. You and your haughty ways, you always thought you were too good for us." Molly looked at each Malfoy male in turn. "You should fit right in with this group. Always thinking they're so superior."

Teddy erupted in laughter and Molly's eyes swung toward him. His hair was flashing through colors as he guffawed. The Weasley matriarch snarled.

"I suppose you're choosing this lot over your family?" Molly gestured toward the arrayed Malfoys.

"I'm a blood relative of the majority of the blondes in this room." Teddy smirked. "Not that I give a damn. Hermione taught me my first spells. She took me for my wand. She gave me the sober up potion the first time my heart was broken and managed not to lecture me about it. When Gandma Andy died, she helped me pack up the house and made sure I knew there was room for me with her. She did all of that, and the rest of you shuffled me around. I know you love me after a fashion, but it isn't enough. I've watched you all disapprove and discourage her for years. It's time for someone to have her back."

"She's a career woman, not a mother." Molly sneered. "Leaving her babies in that center."

"Oh, for Merlin's sake, get over it, Molly. They went to preschool and muggle primary. I didn't put them in a cell." Hermione rolled her eyes. "My children are wonderful. They benefitted from the experience. I adore them. If I'd thought they were in danger, or missing me, I would have done whatever was needed. They never wanted for anything, including my time."

"A good witch stays home with her children." Molly crossed her arms over her chest.

"Yes, I do remember the lecture." Hermione shook her head. "You're a powerful witch, Molly. You could do more with your life than disapprove of anyone different from you."

"How dare you?" Molly looked to Lucius. "Are you going to allow a member of your house to show a good witch such disrespect?"

"She took my wand. Pregnant witches are notoriously difficult." Lucius smirked. "I think it might be best to indulge her at this point."

"Why aren't the others here?" Teddy looked to Molly.

"I want to deal with this creature on my own." Molly snarled and turned back toward Hermione. "It's simple enough to slow them down."

"Molly, I don't want to hurt you." Hermione sighed. "I'm not your problem anymore. Ron's found his perfect match. Lavender will do anything to make you happy. Go, deal with her."

"No." Molly aimed her wand squarely at Hermione. "Ron will destroy his new marriage if I don't stop you. Lavender needs to know she comes first with him."

"Clip even one curl, and I will remind you why I am the last Black standing." Narcissa tapped her wand against her chin. "I will protect my family."

"She isn't your family. She isn't a pure blood." Molly turned toward Narcissa. "We can finish this here and now. There will be no blight on your family tree."

"She's my wife." Scorpius dragged Hermione back behind him. "My magic says she the right match. That will have to be enough for my family."

"I do find the idea of agreeing with Molly Weasley on any subject very disturbing." Lucius stepped next to his wife. "She carries the family mark. I will not go against the power that courses through us all."

"Give Uncle Lucy back his wand, Hermione." Teddy grinned. "He's gonna want to have it when the rest of them arrive. Harry's bound to have gotten fed up by now."

Hermione rolled her eyes. The whole lot of them were mad. Leaning against her newly minted husband's body was tempting her to throw up some wards and send them all spinning off to locations far, far away. She could use a moment or two to adjust to all the changes in her life.


	4. Chapter 4

Harry and Ron popped in with wands drawn. Before the reverberations of their arrival faded, George appeared beside them with Bill in a headlock. The oldest brother snarled and tossed George off of him. Draco took a careful step to the side and avoided the fracas. One irate and insane Weasley was enough. This situation was out of hand.

"Put your wands down." Hermione growled through her teeth. "My hexes are better than yours, and I'm twice as fast."

"You're shagging a little boy?" Ron pointed his wand toward Scorpius.

"There is nothing little about me." Scorpius shook his head.

"Must everything devolve into this nonsense?" Hermione blushed and pushed her new husband back while glaring at her ex. "Why are you here?"

"Why am I here?" Ron looked indignant. "You've lost your bloody mind. That's why I'm here."

"She seems perfectly sane to me." Teddy smirked. "Satisfied, satiated? Which one is correct? There's got to be a better word. Content sounds like a kitten with a ball of yarn. Happy doesn't cover the glow of recent events."

"Shagged silly?" George grinned as she flicked a stinging hex at him. "Okay, not silly and definitely sane."

"This is not open for public discussion." Hermione smoothed a hand down her wrinkled dress.

"It would appear that it is." Draco glanced around the room. "Scorpius, your wards need updating."

"My wards are fine, Dad."

"Yes, the plethora of uninvited guests shows off their strength quite well." Draco gestured toward Ron. "A simple blood ward..."

"Wouldn't have kept Grandfather out." Scorpius glared at Lucius.

"A simple blood ward wouldn't have kept out anyone in this room." Hermione frowned. "You're all related through the Blacks or Malfoys."

"I am not related to your boy toy." Ron pointed his wand towards Scorpius and opened his mouth to form words that never came. The sudden flash of blue light left Ron flat on his back and struggling to breathe.

"No one is pointing wands at Scorpius. Are we clear?" Hermione glared at Harry. "I put Ron down. If you're going to hex someone, it had better be me, Harry."

"Have you lost your bloody mind?" Harry advanced toward her. She raised her chin and sighted down her wand. "He's an auror."

"In my husband's house without a warrant of any kind. I think that means I can do as I please. Best not forget, I can drop you, too." Hermione flipped her hair over her shoulder. "Or have you started to believe your lies about why I quit being an auror?"

"What in bloody hell? You're threatening me now?" Harry holstered his wand and ran a hand through his already disheveled hair. "Please, Hermione, tell me you aren't married to a Malfoy."

"Resonance." Hermione shrugged and blushed. "It's not like we planned it. It could have been worse."

"How?" Harry nudged Ron with his foot.

"It could have been Draco." George chuckled. "Or Goyle. Or Flint. Those teeth are just scary. Oh, oh, it could have been James or Albus. That would have been worse."

"Why did you quit being an auror?" Narcissa cut off George's musings with a stern look then smiled at Hermione.

"Her abilities outstripped the position." Harry's rote answer was ignored.

"The party line?" Hermione smirked at Harry. "You have convinced yourself the cover story is real. Remarkable."

"It's a form of the truth." Harry glared at her and stepped to the side as Molly moved to take care of Ron. "You were too much for the job."

"I made sure we followed regulations, and, for that, I was jumped by nine other aurors. They wanted to remind me of my place. I took them down."

"Three of them were injured to such an extent that they were unable to return to duty." Harry sighed. "They deserved it, but no one wanted you around after that. No one wanted you watching over their shoulder."

"Not even my best friend." Hermione waved her hand at Harry.

"You never wanted to be an auror. You only did it to protect me." Harry took a deep breath. "Tell me you weren't happier as an unspeakable."

"I wasn't." Hermione stepped back toward Scorpius. "I was exiled. It was the bloody broom all over again."

"Why didn't you say something then?" Harry stepped closer to her.

"Ron was thrilled to be your partner, and I was his wife." Hermione looked at the ground. "At least I knew he was happy."

"Are you still on about that?" Ron pushed himself up off the floor. "You got to go do all your secret work. Merlin knows, it was more important than having more children."

"I wanted a challenge beyond feeding you and popping out a quidditch team of brats." Hermione pressed back into Scorpius. "It doesn't matter now. You've got your future with Lavender, and I have mine with Scorpius."

"It bloody matters. We have children together." Ron waved his hand back and forth between them. "What are they meant to think about all of this?"

"They will make their own decisions. They've accepted Lav Lav well enough." Hermione smirked. "You really do belong with her Ron. Be happy. Just stay away from me."

"How is he supposed to do that?" Molly snarled. "The children will have weddings and birthdays. You can't avoid being around each other. What about Sunday dinner?"

"Mum, really?" Bill shook his head.

"I haven't been to the Burrow in months, but I haven't stopped Hugo or Rose from seeing any of you.. The children make their own choices." Hermione rolled her eyes. "I won't keep them from you."

"You will. You'll keep them away by avoiding us. They'll want to be with you." Molly blinked rapidly. "You are stealing my grand babies away."

"She will not be stealing anything." Lucius stood up. "They are members of her family, thus they are family. She is already carrying the Malfoy heir. She will have her hands full with her new life. This constant strife isn't conducive to her health. Her children will be welcome with us at any time. I assume you feel the same way."

"I do not." Molly snarled. "No family of mine will associate with the likes of you."

"And that is why I had to lure my beloved godmother out last night." Teddy clapped his hands slowly in a mockery of applause. "The lot of them spent years breaking her down. She's bloody brilliant, but they derided her choice to work. Ron couldn't have kept that bloody roof over their heads on his own. Hell, without Harry he wouldn't have a job."

"Teddy, be nice." Hermione glared at her godson. "You said there was a prophecy. Care to share?"

"You are not going to like it." He shook his head. "And not just because divination is crap."

"I'm not a fan." Hermione shrugged. "Still, you need to tell us."

"The princess from her tower freed, will find her place in magic's grace with the last pure son of the house where once she did bleed. In peace, the house will be renewed." Teddy chewed his lower lip. "Lavender predicted it, but I didn't register it. I didn't know if she did it to play with me."

"So, you dragged me out and put me in a room with Scorpius." Hermione's index finger tapped on her wand.

"It was a party." Teddy shrugged. "I figured you'd probably just enjoy yourself, but I was right. Watching the two of you was like watching magnets. If I hadn't dragged you there, it would have happened in a few days. You both live in London, now. There was no avoiding it. The pull was obvious."

"Damn it." Ron snarled. "That stupid prophecy. Lav didn't say it though. It was Luna. Right after the war."

"Two different seers made the same exact prophecy?" Narcissa sat back with a smug look directed at her husband.

"Three." Lucius snarled. "Father heard it from that Flint squib and thought it pertained to me, but no witch fit the profile. He wrote it off."

"He didn't write it off." Narcissa indicated a small scar. "He hit me with a slicing hex."


	5. Chapter 5

"He did what?" Lucius moved to look at Narcissa's scar. "Dragon pox was too good for the bastard."

"Off track, Father." Draco coughed. "You can design the best form of patricide later."

"We could raise him as an inferi and burn him slowly piece by piece." Lucius nodded.

"Aurors present." Harry glared at Lucius. "Keep your strangely disturbing familial issues to yourself."

"Why?" Hermione threw her hands in the air. "You are not here in any official capacity. You were not invited. Most of the people in this room were supposed to be at my ex husband's wedding."

"You will always be a little sister to me." George grinned at her. "I promise to keep you stocked with lollipops and ice mice. Maybe licorice whips. What does the young master prefer?"

Hermione snarled and flung a hex at George. He fell to the ground laughing as his hair stood on end and began to give off colorful sparks. Hermione twirled her wand and tied his legs in a knot.

"This is your idea of hexing?" Scorpius glanced at George.

"I'm his second Fred." Hermione waved her hand dismissively. "I get to be creative with him."

"Second Fred?" Scorpius blinked.

"His twin brother. We lost him in the war." Bill sighed. "None of us could pull George out of his funk, but Hermione didn't give up."

"She conjured flying pigs that dive bombed him and dropped bacon on him." Harry smiled. "She charmed geese to follow him and honk any time he spoke."

"You have a farm animal fetish?" Scorpius looked at Hermione with a sparkle in his eye.

"Fred loved bacon. He would have loved those pigs." Bill smiled. "He'd have set them loose on Mum's brunches."

"They'd have farted rainbow fireworks if he'd designed them." Harry smirked.

"So, We really are stuck with this lot?" Scorpius looked between the red heads.

"No." Molly shook her head. "She didn't do those things. My Ron did."

"Weasley wouldn't know how to charm his socks fresh." Draco rolled his eyes. "There is no way he charmed geese. They're far too strong willed."

"Isn't Ronald the one that rests on his laurels?" Lucius looked at his wife. "The others appear rather accomplished, but he appears to have made a life out of attaching himself to real talent."

Molly glared at Lucius, and he smirked. Insulting and provoking Weasleys seemed to be amusing for him.

"Mum, Ron didn't do those things." Bill frowned. "He was too busy sneaking off to shag Lavender to spare any of us time."

"He was shagging Lavender back then?" Hermione raised a single brow.

Harry took a step back.

"You knew." Hermione glared at her best friend. "How long?"

"I caught him right after you were transferred." Harry rubbed the back of his neck. "He promised he'd end it."

"He promised he'd end it?" Hermione dragged a deep breath in. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"You were angry about the transfer. You were pregnant." Harry took another step back. "You got sick that one night, and you flooed Ginny because Ron was on assignment. We knew he wasn't."

"Ginny knew?" Hermione looked down. "Did everyone know? Did every single one of you know?"

"Hermione, please." Harry stepped between Hermione and Ron. "Does it really matter now?"

"Ronald was seeing Lavender the entire time we were together." Hermione blinked.

"I didn't know." George was unknotting his legs. "I would have killed him."

"I would have helped hide the body if I'd known." Teddy glared at Harry.

"Ron was carrying tackle?" Molly blinked.

"What a quaint turn of phrase." Narcissa frowned. "It makes him seem like a confused fisherman."

Hermione took a deep breath. She was not married to the randy fisherman anymore. She didn't need to kill him.

The sudden shift in air pressure and the loud pop of multiple arrivals wasn't even much of a surprise. Hermione blinked as Ginny and Lavender started screeching at each other. Ron blinked and glared around the room, adding his complaints to the sudden cacophony.

"It really is quite remarkable that you're sane." Scorpius whispered against her ear.

"Give Molly a minute." Hermione turned into his arms. "She's still in shock. I'd put money on her attacking Ron and Lavender both."

"You want to bet on this?" Scorpius chuckled.

"George runs odds on Sunday dinners. I've made a fair amount of money through the years." Hermione shrugged.

"So, this isn't unusual?" Scorpius' eyes widened.

"They aren't all here yet." Hermione giggled into his chest.

"You hussy!" Molly stormed across the room, grabbed Lavender by the shoulder, and spun her until they were face to face. "You led my precious Ronald astray. You lured him away from his wife and destroyed his marriage. You are a trollop."

Lavender's mouth worked like a trout's as she stared at her mother in law.

"Mum. Leave Lav alone." Ron managed to get to his feet. "It's our wedding day. You can start calling her a slut tomorrow."

"It's our wedding day, but you're here." Lavender tossed her hands in the air. "Your sister tried to stop me coming here. She said you needed to deal with this, but you didn't. Hermione doesn't need you. She never bloody did. She's smarter than you." Lavender gesticulated wildly. "She's more powerful than you. She was always going to move on."

"She's a mother. How are Rose and Hugo supposed to feel when their mother is running about with him?" Ron flung his arm toward Scorpius and Hermione. "He's a boy."

"No." Lavender turned and looked at them. Her eyes widened. A smile bloomed across her face as she shook her head. "He's not. Well done, Hermione."

"Thanks, Lav." Hermione smiled and shook her head slightly before turning to face the crowd again. "I'm sorry your wedding was ruined."

"Yeah, well." Lavender shrugged. "Ron's always been trying to save you from the Malfoys. He married you because of some thing Luna said."

"Of course he did." Hermione chuckled. "I'm playing out some weird Sophoclean comedy."

"What is remotely funny about this, Mione?" Ron glared at her. "You're making a bloody fool of yourself with that child."

"Better that than the fool you made of her for all these years." George glared at him.

"I had to protect her didn't I?" Ron rolled his eyes. "She'd have wound up with the ferret."

"Sophocles wrote comedies?" Lucius looked to his wife.

"Not now, Lucius." Narcissa patted his knee.

"You married me because you didn't want me to be with Draco." Hermione rolled her eyes and smiled at her now father in law. "Because Draco and I were sure to run off into the sunset and frolic like bunnies."

"Ferrets, Hermione." George chuckled while trying to look stern. "They are not the same."

"Thank you, George." Hermione nodded.

"So, my great grandfather attacked my grandmother over this nonsense." Scorpius frowned. "Your ex only married you to keep you from my father because of the prophecy, but it still came to pass. Is there any getting around these damn things?"

Hermione stiffened and closed her eyes.

"Don't, Hermione." Teddy jumped toward her, but she disappeared with a barely audible pop.


End file.
